Don't piss in my ear and tell me it's raining

Well that post title might un-anonymize me if some people who know me see it, but it's so perfect it has to be used.

Marriott hotel reservationist - can you please not tell me that something that I have done literally 20 times or so is not possible and insinuate that it never has been? I am not an idiot, but apparently you are.

Every other time I have called your hotel in the last year to make a reservation for my boss, they have easily pulled up is information as he stays in your hotel frequently, and have been able to access his rewards number and his credit card.

Why is it that today this is something that the reservation department apparently has no access to? They don't "save it that way". Yes, of course, why would the reservation department have access to prior reservations? That makes no sense at all.

Let people do their jobs!

Oh my God. Could CEOs and Presidents and Boards of Directors and Owners and whomever else is running companies out there please please let the people that are working for them do their jobs?

Could they please trust their senior management to make decisions without micromanaging everything to death?

Could they please let their managers in multi-million dollar corporations spend a couple thousand dollars?

oh my fucking God.

Unrelated to work, but...

You know what's awesome? Going back on The Pill after being off of it for a year or so, and getting that fun "morning sickness" at the beginning of the process since the hormones fuck you up and make your body think it's pregnant.

Yeah, I'm not into the morning sickness, thank you very much. SIGH.

MYOB!

Oh my God, sometimes it's just none of your business, Gossip Monger! I am not obligated to answer personal questions about my boss and his family! But worse, I can't believe you feel entitled to stand there and ask, and to hover when you don't think I gave you enough info (because I didn't really give you any).

Really, what's wrong with you? I'd like to know. So I can avoid it myself.

Don't give me that look

Please do not look at me like that.

I am so sorry for you that it is an inconvenient time for me to be standing over the copier making roughly 60 million copies. What a terrible tragedy. It is a shame that you might have to:

a. Wait ten minutes
b. Walk 50 feet to the other copier

Really, it's too bad.

But let me assure you that I am not doing it to spite you or as some sort of sick plan to convince you to never use the copier again. And I am certainly not doing it out of sheer delight.

So, if you give me that look again, I don't think I'll be responsible for my actions. Are we clear?

Try putting the shoe on the other foot for 2 seconds, genius

Someone in the office just told me that they heard there was some software that lets you convert pdf files into something that you can edit in Word. They were all excited about it.

First of all, I don't know if I believe this.

But secondly, is it really possible that you're so short-sighted that you are happy this exists now because it could be useful to you in a particular circumstance, while being oblivious to the fact that we use pdf files all the time when we want to send out documents that people can't edit? And therefore it would actually be a problem for us if this were true?

DUH.

Guess how many is too many?

Hey, crazy cubicle neighbor. Guess how many times is too many times to hear you talk about "Question X" on the ballot tomorrow?

Well, let's see... I've heard you talk about it 3 times so far, so that's 3 times too many.

Getting the picture?

Please try to control yourself. Nobody is interested in your opinion. I PROMISE.

Oh my God please don't talk politics at work

Really, don't we all know this by now? I mean if you have a good friend at work I guess, sure. But randomly questioning people about "how are you going to vote on question X?" NOT APPROPRIATE!

Yes, I'm talking to you, printer nazi.

I briefly considered jamming pens in my ears (as has previously been alluded to) so I wouldn't have to hear your conversation. Thankfully it was mercifully short.

But honestly, nobody needed to hear it.

I think my brain was bleeding a little bit after.