DEAR FUCKING ASSHOLE BOSS

1. I actually can't read your mind. Notice to every boss forever, from now until the end of time: your assistant can never read your mind. Never.
2. You are annoyed that you have to deal with crises at work on your vacation. I have three suggestions for you: (1) shut up because you make 6x what I do so I don't care (2) actually try to take a vacation by, say, not answering your work phone (3) let people do their jobs without micro managing everything
3. The fact that you are annoyed because you have to work on your vacation is not an excuse to treat me like a child, yell at me, act like I'm a fucking idiot (when you are the idiot for not explaining yourself) or generally be a dick.

 You are an incredible asshole. I hope that I get the chance to tell you this someday. Of course, you won't take it well so I probably won't even bother doing it face to face. You think you are fantastic manager but you are actually the worst manager I have ever worked with, ever. You don't trust anyone to do their jobs, which means no one trusts themselves to do anything without checking with you on everything, which means they actually can't be trusted to do their jobs, which comes back full circle and lays the blame at your feet entirely.

You don't explain yourself well most of the time, expect that everyone always be automatically thinking about whatever you are thinking about, cut people off before they can finish talking, in many cases depriving yourself of the very information you are asking them for. You are impatient and paranoid. You take everything personally.

You, in other words, are WRONG. Just about as completely wrong as anyone could ever be.

So, thanks for starting my Friday off with a bang. I'm not answering my phone the next time you call, so you will just have to cool your heels.

Fuck you. Seriously.